I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
not ubering you a puppy
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
