I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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