my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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