Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
