we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
