she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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