I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
