If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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