You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
