your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
