He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
