Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
