I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
