Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
