He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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