anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
