What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
