one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
