so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
