wake up i wanna do it froggy style
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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