remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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