it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
