Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
