nutella sex= disaster
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
