I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you would pick up someone in the library
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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