Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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