every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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