So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
