just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Randomize
