I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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