flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
