I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
