We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think your dad took our porno
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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