and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize