why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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