1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
