I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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