I want to have your abortion
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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