dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
