I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
