the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
