so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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