i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
