Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
