it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
