Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
