Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
