When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
