every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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