Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Randomize
