He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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