2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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