I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
