Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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