So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she told me i tasted like america
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
