Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
