There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
