When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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