my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You pole danced in your parka.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
