I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
