Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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