If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Barsexuality is the new black.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Of course I have a pirate flag
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
