I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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