the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
