you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
