The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
