I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
whose ass print is on the piano?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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